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What Is A Cop?
Cops are human (believe it or not) just like the rest
of us. They come in both sexes and various sizes. The
size depends on whether you are looking for one or trying
to hide something. However they are mostly big.
Cops are found everywhere-on land, on the sea, in the
air, on horses, in cars, sometimes in your hair. In spite
of the fact that "you can't find one when you want
one," they are usually there when it counts most.
The best way to get one is to pick up the phone.
Cops deliver lectures, babies, and bad news. They are
required to have the wisdom of Solomon, the disposition
of a lamb and muscles of steel and are often accused of
having a heart to match. He's the one who rings the
doorbell, swallows hard and announces the passing of a
loved one; then spends the rest of the day wondering why
he ever took such a "crummy" job.
On TV a cop is an oaf who couldn't find a bull fiddle
in a telephone booth. In real life he's expected to find
a little blond boy "about so high" in a crowd
of half a million people. In fiction, he gets help from
private eyes, reporters, and "who dun it fans."
In real life, mostly all he gets from the public is
"I didn't see nuttin'."
When he serves a summons, he's a monster. If he lets
you go, he's a doll. To little kids, he's either a friend
or a bogeyman, depends on how parents feel about it. He
works "around the clock," splits shifts,
Sundays and holidays, and it always kills him when a
joker says, "Hey tomorrow is Election Day, I'm off,
lets go fishing." (Thats the day he works 20 hours).
A cop is like the little girl, who when she was good,
was very, very good, but, when she was bad, was horrid.
When a cop is good, "He's getting paid for it."
When he makes a mistake, "He's a grafter, and that
goes for the rest of them too." When he shoots a
stick-up man he's a hero, except when the stick-up man is
"only a kid, anybody could have seen that."
Lots of them have homes, some of them covered with ivy,
but most of them covered with mortgages. If he drives a
big car, he's a chisler, a little car, "who's he
kidding?" His credit is good; this is very helpful,
because his salary isn't. Cops raise lots of kids, most
of them belong to other people.
A cop sees more misery, bloodshed, trouble, and
sunrises than the average person. Like the postman, cops
must also be out in all kinds of weather. His uniforms
change with the climate, but his outlook on life remains
the same; mostly a blank, but hoping for a better world.
Cops like days off, vacations, and coffee. They don't
like auto horns, family fights and anonymous letter
writers. They have unions, but they can't strike. They
must be impartial, Courteous, and always remember the
slogan "At Your Service." This is sometimes
hard, especially when a character reminds him, "I'm
A Taxpayer!, I Pay Your Salary!"
Cops get medals for saving lives, stopping runaway
horses, and shooting it out with bandits (once in a while
his widow gets the medal). But sometimes, The most
rewarding moments come when, after some kindness to an
older person, he feels the warm handclasp, looks into
greatful eyes and hears "Thank you and God bless you,
son."
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